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Mistakes on Trek #1

June 13, 2013

1] You cannot transwarp beam to Q’onos.

2] Shakespearean actors cannot beat up trained Klingon assassins.

3] Iggy Pop is not a Vorta, he’s a rock star.

4] As good as he is, Jeffrey Coombs is not the only actor in the land.

5] Old, female admirals who are skilled at persecuting innocents in show-trials do not lose their shit if someone quotes their dad. If Drumhead had been a two-parter then that scene would’ve played out differently, I’m sure of it.

6] Laxwana Troi

7] Spinal surgery is not something to be shrugged off lightly, Worf. At least give him a limp in the following episode. Or some crutches. Anything. See also: Geordi in the episode after ‘The Mind’s Eye’.

8] Vic Fontaine

9] The Bajoran religion and its prophecies and the idea that it’s played as a real thing when Trek has always been anti-religion and pro-science. They can believe in the thing, okay, but don’t proclaim it as truth.

10] Voyager Season 7 episode ‘The Void’ should’ve been a two-parter. If it had been, it could’ve been the best episode of the series. Instead, they had the quickest last five minutes of an episode ever. After they escape from the void, there’s not even enough time to show an exterior shot of the four ships in Space…just a quick cut to the transporter room, a rushed goodbye and that’s it. Not to mention the little montage five minutes earlier…

11] The little montages that Voyager likes to use when they’re running out of time in an episode. See ‘The Void’, ‘Think Tank’…probably more that I can’t think of right now.

12] How can a humanoid species be native to the void? There is no matter, no stars, no anything. You can’t just say it, Trek, otherwise you’re nothing more than Star Wars.

13] Samuel Clemens is fucking annoying.

14] Following ‘Best of Both Worlds’ and ‘Redemption’ with a season cliff-hanger like ‘Time’s Arrow’. It looked cheap, it wasn’t as funny as it thought it was and it went back to a boring part of history [if the aliens wanted to go to a time when there was a plague, why not go back to 1665 England or 1300’s Europe?]

15] Sisko dominating all admirals. He does it the most to the admiral who can’t act in the last two seasons. The guy’s afraid of Sisko and it’s not hard to see why. Sisko virtually tells him what to do half the time. Wouldn’t this result in demotion?

16] The casting of the guy playing the admiral who can’t act. Don’t even know his name, but he’s so bad I can’t believe they actually saw him audition…they probably just did the guy a favour, maybe he knew Rick Berman’s cousin or something.

17] Gul Dukat’s pivot to the Pah wraiths. Great, more time with Bajor’s stupid religion.

18] Tom Paris is a rogue, but not really.

19] Chakotay is a terrorist, but not really. Actually, he’s just a big, cuddly tattoo.

20] One distinctive trait defining an entire species e.g. Ferengi all love profit, Klingons are warriors. To be fair, on such a show as this, it would be difficult to add variety when there are so many alien species. Also, to be fair twice, there are some Klingons who aren’t warriors, and one Ferengi who likes killing, not money.

21] Not including the Klingons/Romulans/Vulcans more often in Enterprise Seasons 1 and 2. Who gives a shit about the Suliban?

22] Using Khan in the latest movie.

23] Not using an episode like ‘The Void’ or ‘The Drumhead’ as a basis for the latest movie. ‘The Void’ especially…it’s a rushed episode with a great concept that deals with everything that Star Trek stands for – Sticking to your principles no matter what, believing in others, moral conviction, togetherness.

24] The last episode of ‘Enterprise’. All of it. Awful.

25] …

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